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nastycurve
244 Posts |
 Posted - 10/26/2012 : 11:41:00
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I have a parent who has an extreme disdain for one of the coaches sons. Anytime the coaches son makes an error, you would think there was a stuck pig in the bleachers. If their son makes an error or strikes out, or another player makes an error or K's, nothing at all is said.
The usual way of dealing with this type of disruption for me would just be removing them from the team, but the kid is not only a good player, but also a good person(maybe he's adopted?), so I wouldn't really want to do that to him.
Any thoughts/experience? |
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bballman
1432 Posts |
Posted - 10/26/2012 : 11:45:53
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| Sit down and have a talk with the parent and let them know how their behavior is effecting the team and the other parents in the stands. Let them know if it continues, they will be asked to leave the team. It would be a shame for the kid, but a parent that is a cancer needs to be cut out. |
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in_the_know
985 Posts |
Posted - 10/26/2012 : 12:36:22
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What age is this?
bballman is (almost) right on, IMHO.
My slight variation from bballman would be to explain to the parent that his behavior is an unacceptable reaction for ANY player on the team, coach's kid or otherwise, and simply won't be tolerated. I would also tell him that the issue is with him, not his child, and that you guys love the kid and will continue to have him on the team, but that if the parent's behavior doesn't change, HE (the parent), won't be allowed to attend the games. He can drop the kid off and wait in the parking lot, etc., but make sure that the action is directed toward the correct person and that the child isn't punished for the parents behavior. If the parent isn't able to keep his thoughts to himself, it's not realistic that he'll allow his kid to remain and remove himself, and the kid is likely to suffer, but at the very least you've targeted the problem and solution to the correct individual. Simply lay out the expectation and consequences for not meeting expectations, then leave the decision in his hands.
I think the only have hope of this approach being successful is if this is a young age player/parent without much experience of playing this level ball. If it's an older age player, then you're not likely to have much luck with ANY approach. Some guys just don't get it.
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Edited by - in_the_know on 10/26/2012 14:27:22 |
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nastycurve
244 Posts |
Posted - 10/26/2012 : 14:52:40
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| Bball and ITK, I appreciate it 100%. This is 15/16 and I think you are right on with the fact that some people just dont get it. |
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JDP12
89 Posts |
Posted - 10/26/2012 : 15:51:32
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| I would think there would have to be something else behind this. No matter what the parent is embarrassing himself. However, does this coach's son play SS or other high profile positions? If so then I am guessing the guy thinks he is only there because of daddy ball. No knowledge about your team but just another thought. Either way I think in the know's idea is good but it is probably going to have the same result either way. The kid will no longer be on the team because it is hard to relive your failed baseball youth through your child when you are not watching them. |
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bballman
1432 Posts |
Posted - 10/26/2012 : 19:36:44
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| Good in theory ITK, but I don't think you can really stop a parent from attending. You can try, but I don't think there is any authority to do that. Unfortunately, parents and kids are a package. They either both stay or they both go. JMHO. |
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RACGOFAR
208 Posts |
Posted - 10/26/2012 : 22:03:33
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| One on one conversation in person is in order. Lay out your rules and philosophy and expect them to be followed or ask than to move on. By the time your reach 15/16u this type of behavior is a result of prior coaches letting it happen. No player is worth the BS of the parent., EVER. It's a cancer that can kill a team. |
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jongamefan
218 Posts |
Posted - 10/28/2012 : 09:52:10
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LOL on the suggestion the kid of Jerk parent is adopted - per his having a good personality . And may be true 
My idea to get the idea across fast and with authority is to have the issue addressed directly by Director of whatever association or park this team may be based out of.
That cuts out the further jealousy this parent has for their kid vs the coaches kid being a further issue.
Travel baseball is tough enough without mommy and or daddy living their lives out through lil Granty . |
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in_the_know
985 Posts |
Posted - 10/28/2012 : 14:04:00
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quote:
Originally posted by bballman
Good in theory ITK, but I don't think you can really stop a parent from attending. You can try, but I don't think there is any authority to do that. Unfortunately, parents and kids are a package. They either both stay or they both go. JMHO.
I agree, and mentioned in my post that it is unlikely that the parent would accept that. My point is that all the action being taken is being addressed to the parent (the root of the problem) and not the player. Whatever he parent agrees to or accepts with respect to his behavior, his continued participation as a fan, or taking his kid and going elsewhere then becomes his decision, i.e., you aren't kicking the kid off the team for his parent's behavior, you're kicking parent off the team. The ball would be completely in his court.
Also, having it presented to him in this manner may actually be an eye opener to him. If you boot the kid off, then he'll just badmouth the coach to the kid and, in his mind, it will further justify his behavior. If you isolate it to just the parent, it's a tougher pill for him to swallow. At that age, I'd have the conversation with both the dad and player present. The kid needs to understand the situation as well at this age. |
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bballman
1432 Posts |
Posted - 10/28/2012 : 14:38:40
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| All valid points ITK. I will only add that the kids know when their parents are unruly and embarrassing. And they know it well before they are 15/16. Every time a parent does something the coach doesn't like, their kid is cringing. I have even seen kids appologize to the coach or teammates for their parents behavior. They know. |
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2playersmom
59 Posts |
Posted - 10/28/2012 : 20:47:26
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Every time a parent does something the coach doesn't like, their kid is cringing. I have even seen kids appologize to the coach or teammates for their parents behavior. They know.
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B-Ball , that is true .
We have been associated with teams where are embarrassed to be sitting in the stands because of some of the parents behavior week in week out.
Sometimes how they talk even to themselves because its about competing with each other through their sons . Now thats a small sad adult.
Sends us down the foul lines or behind the fences to watch and escape |
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hotcorner
67 Posts |
Posted - 10/29/2012 : 08:57:13
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| Have had a similar situation in the past. Ended up banning the Dad as he could not stop even after a conversation. Not only was his loud negative voice gone it definetley silenced others who sat with this negstive parent. Of course, his kid played better as I think he became a more relaxed player. |
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bkball
173 Posts |
Posted - 10/29/2012 : 13:28:03
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I saw a fellow sitting at the 14U game this past weekend behind me, talking about how bad some players were and there swings or fielding. My kid was one of those but I bit my tongue. I asked about this gentleman found out later the guy had no kid even on the field.
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4bagger
131 Posts |
Posted - 10/29/2012 : 14:18:09
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I made the mistake years ago of being one of these types of obnoxious parents. Right until a couple sets of parents cornered me and laid down the law of acceptable behavior in the stands. With the knowledge I was being "isolated" from the other parents (they refused to listen to me, talk to me or even sit near me in the stands and I ended up sitting alone along the fence) because of my behavior I grew up and apologized. Welcomed back with open arms I have never reverted to that stupid behavior again and thank God those parents had the gonads to set me straight or else my sons travel career would have been nothing but constant team changes and embarrassment for him.
At 15/16 I am willing to bet the player would hate to have to leave a team (several friends?) because of the parents behavior. He'll probably start driving himself to the practices/games to get away from the situation.
IMHO- The other parents should say something and ask the dolt to go sit elsewhere. A strong dose of cold shoulder and no invites out with the team after the games WILL hurt. Trust me- He'll keep doing it until enough parents grow a set and tell him like it is. |
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HITANDRUN
436 Posts |
Posted - 11/08/2012 : 11:47:13
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Renegade44 sounds like you should have done a little better job picking your team.
Is this a fall season only commitment or spring as well? Is it a coaches son playing SS? If not the coach needs to find a new one or move someone there that can make the routine plays. What age group is it? |
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HITANDRUN
436 Posts |
Posted - 11/13/2012 : 14:42:48
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| Sorry to hear that. Unless you paid a ton already I would look for another team and say we were sold a bill of goods also if my son isn't good enough to play SS or bat in the top 5 or so you wont miss him anyway. |
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Obnoxious Parent
