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BravesFan
533 Posts |
 Posted - 06/02/2011 : 23:54:09
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We all hear about teams having some problems, parents about issues on the field and coaches re players or parents. Many teams seem to have no issues but some seem to be like a weekly episode of jerry springer.
The question is why? Are these parents to blame or is it the coach? Daddy ball or parents who just dont get along with each other? Please no names or teams, it'll never get posted so just post an example.
Dr. Bravesfan is here for you |
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BballNut
73 Posts |
Posted - 06/03/2011 : 15:01:16
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It's a combination of both. Daddy Coaches want their Little Johnnies to shine for the team, as if it really proves something. So Little Johnnies play positions that they will NEVER succeed in, and daddies are too blind to see that it makes themselves, Little Johnnies, and the team look bad and fail. WHY IS IT THAT DADDIES NEED THEIR SONS TO BE THE SUPERSTARS OF THE TEAM??????????? WHY? OH WHY? OH WHY? It never fails. Look at the shortstops, top of the lineups, and starting and closing pitchers during big games, and you will see the Little Johnnies smiling and confused. By the way this does not apply to all Daddy Coaches and Little Johnnies. Some of them are actually pretty good :).
For parents, it's the same. Everyone's opinion of their son's skills is clouded with bias. We all think our own Little Johnny deserves the shortstop position or should bat 3rd or cleanup, and by the way, when he was pitching "did you see him SHUT OUT the ....?" as the chest is being pounded. We are all impossible and way too close to it to remain objective. Because most of us are living through them we want them to be considered the best on the team even if they are not, rather than wanting them to be good at what they do bring and contribute to a team.
So half the parents talk about it amongst themselves and just stay pissed, while the others who are bold enough to say something are ostracized, not to mention they approach it all wrong because they are mad. Don't know if there's a happy medium.
I vote for hired coaches.
There's a particular 11U team that is ranked high in Georgia that plays out of ECB (need I say more?). What I love about that team when I see them play is I have no idea who "the stud" is on the team. They all do their part and so we all think of "the TEAM" when we reference them and not one or two kids. This means there's very little drama, kids are playing in the right positions, and parents are trusting coaches to make the right decisions.
Bottom line. Travel ball is not rec ball. Coaches make the final decisions, and if you don't like it there's always next year and another team. Tsk! Tsk! |
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SSBuckeye
575 Posts |
Posted - 06/03/2011 : 16:24:49
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| I don't doubt that BballNut is right about some teams and daddy ball. Thing is I don't think it's an absolute. Having hired coaches is not nirvana. One word. Apathy. Paid coaches don't have the vested interest that a well qualified parent does. In my view, the best set up is a dad coach who knows the game cold and brings in professional coaching to supplement for the finer details like pitching and hitting. Not that a paid head coach can't work, because it surely can, but it's not a no-brainer. The fact is a smart parent should evaluate any situation on its merits and make a judgment from there, because there is no cookie-cutter approach here. |
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RACGOFAR
208 Posts |
Posted - 06/03/2011 : 16:33:13
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Every team has issues and its a natural part of being involved in a competitive endeavor. That why it happens. It happens in rec, all-stars and travel at every level and every age group. The real question is why does it become such a big distraction to the point that everybody seems to know about it?
As President of one of the biggest Youth Associations for the last several years, I've had the unpleasant task of dealing with these things pretty regularly. The problems usually involve playing time (at a certain position, or the # of innings played), unrealistic expectations for the team and individual players (by coaches, parents and players), and player favoritism (rightly and wrongly perceived about 50/50 amongst all involved).
Binding all of these issues together is a lack of clear focus on a team philosophy and a lack of communication of that philosophy to all team stakeholders.
How to minimize these problems can be a matter of trial and error for each team; however a few simple steps for all involved can keep things moving in the direction everyone wants to see.
Coaches:
1) You owe every parent and player honesty, even when its not what they want to hear. Honesty starts at the first meeting. And with your being honest about your own son's talent and ability and role on the team. DO NOT FIElD/BUILD A TEAM AT A LEVEL ABOVE YOUR SON"S ABILITY. Disaster will result.
2) You have 11-12 sons on the field, not just one. Treat them all the same and reat your own son the way you would expect another coach to treat him.
3) Sit every player often. If a kid isn't good enough to bat on Sunday, he shouldn't be on your team unless you're playing at an Elite level with a big roster or at 13/14u. Put players in defensive positions that match their talent and ability. Try to find opportunities for them to play secondary and developmental positions when the game situation allows.
4) Put down on paper your coaching philosophy and team goals. Reread them often and share them with the team.
5) Get help from parents, but BE the final decision maker and BE clear what decisions are yours and yours alone to make.
6) Don't give up on players. You wanted and chose them, so help them though their problems and bad stretches, help them get better and coach them until the last game of the season. Giving up on a difficult player is easy, but it will ruin your team and season.
7) Listen to parent's complaints, be open to criticism, and be open to change, but be firm in your philosophy and team goals. AFTER a game is NEVER the time to talk about problems. For 12U and up, conversations about the player should be had with the player present.
Parents:
1) Be realistic about your son's talent and ability and maturity to play at the level that the team competes at regularly. Its not always a matter of a kid being "good enough" to play on a team. If he wants to pitch and the team has 8 pitchers and he's 9th on the depth chart, find a team where he can be in the top 4. Sometimes a player just can't handle the pressure of playing at a high level or with a whole roster of athletes as talented as or better than him. Find a balanced roster for this type of player and watch his play excel.
2) You and your son must take ownership of his development as a player. Its not the coaches' job to teach your kid how to play ball. Its his job to provide a positive environment, show him the proper methods and strategy of the game, and put him in game situations where he has the opportunity to be successful based on his ability and effort. This is what you want to pay for and why to me the "paid coach" option does not work most of the time at the younger ages. Better to pay for one on one instruction.
3) Be a part of the team. If your total focus is only on what's best for your son, the team will never live up to your expectations and you are teaching your son a terrible lesson. For EVERY coach, parent and player the team must come first. Your son will focus on the things that you focus on. If what you focus on is negative, then so will he and where there is negativity there is poor play. Also, offer to help out when you can, rather than just when you are asked.
4) Do your homework on the coaches and the team and the culture in the park where the team plays. The travel ball community is pretty small and its easy to find out info on anybody who has been involved in travel ball for more than a year or two. Parents if you don't think the coaches are checking with your old teams to see why you're not playing with them, think again. Coaches pick players AND parents adn more often than not your history and conduct as a parent trumps your son's talent when building a roster.
5) Let the players play, the coaches coach and the parents spectate. If you can't sit and watch the game without yelling instructions at your son or walking over to the dugout every time he screws up, then you are a classic DADDYBALL parent. Here's a simple test to see if you are a DADDYBALLER: If your son is on the field and he boots the ball or strikes out looking and he turns and looks at you sheepishly because he knows he is about to get the verbal beatdown, then you are a DADDYBALL parent and your player is going to be worse for it. The field and the dugout are off limits to parents and are the players' sanctuary. You pay the coaches to coach the game so respect them and let them do it. Its also pretty embarrassing for the player to have their parents yelling at him during the game. I often wonder if DADDYBALL parents have bosses at work who stand up over the cubicle and yell for all to hear, "Jack!!!!!! There is a typo in this report and 3 pages missing!!! Come On!!! Focus!!! We went over in typing practice. Can't you hit the right keys and use the copier correctly??!!!"
6) Understand that the Coaches make mistakes too. Game mistakes, lineup mishaps, etc. are part of the game. If you have more knowledge than the coach, then be quick to help rather than the first to complain. Its also best to discuss those things the day after a game.
7) Know and understand what the team philosophy will be. If you don't hear what you want from the coach, don't assume that anything will change simply because your super talented son joins the team. Get clarification on costs, season length, out of town events and playing and position time before committing to a team. If the coach is doing exactly what he said he would do when you joined the team, then you have little reason to complain. On the other hand if he is not doing what he said then you are certainly owed an explanation.
8) Don't ever openly criticize players, other parents and coaches in front of your son or other parents.
You can pretty much hear everything going on at a game from the dugout or field and you can be sure that not all parents within earshot are going to agree with you. Both good and bad coaches know what being said about them under baited breath.
Just a few thoughts on the matter and I'm sure others have different thoughts as well.
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SSBuckeye
575 Posts |
Posted - 06/03/2011 : 21:20:18
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| I think Alan said it better than I did! |
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sportsman
37 Posts |
Posted - 06/06/2011 : 08:01:17
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My sons team has a classic Daddyballer on it. You guys said it best. These are the reasons that kids end up team jumping and things fall apart late in the year.
WHY IS IT THAT DADDIES NEED THEIR SONS TO BE THE SUPERSTARS OF THE TEAM??????????? WHY? OH WHY? OH WHY? If you want your son to star, you should pick a team where he is going to be the best player, otherwise you will be frustrated all year.
Be realistic about your son's talent and ability level.
Don't ever openly criticize players, other parents and coaches in front of your son or other parents.
Be a part of the team.
You and your son must take ownership of his development as a player. |
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BravesFan
533 Posts |
Posted - 06/06/2011 : 11:22:23
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Alan makes some great points but I really like this one best:
3) Be a part of the team. If your total focus is only on what's best for your son, the team will never live up to your expectations and you are teaching your son a terrible lesson. For EVERY coach, parent and player the team must come first. Your son will focus on the things that you focus on. If what you focus on is negative, then so will he and where there is negativity there is poor play. Also, offer to help out when you can, rather than just when you are asked.
This is where a lot of drama comes from, parents complaining why isn't my boy playing middle infield, pitching or playing CF? Heard one kids dad talking to someone and telling them he would be the best player at any position on his current team but yet he is slower then a 3 legged turtle so how is that??? He is also a mister know it all type of guy, glad he's not on my squad!
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mdschert
47 Posts |
Posted - 06/06/2011 : 12:31:47
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| I agree with everything in Alan's reply. One main source of frustration for me (as a parent) is when players and parents do not take responsibility for development. I believe too many parents take it for granted that their kid is on a travel team and do not practice beyond the team. When the player struggles such as taking the 3rd strike over and over again, it gets frustrating to witness. The whole team suffers. You can't openly critize but have to depend on the coach to talk to the parents to get extra help. |
Edited by - mdschert on 06/06/2011 13:03:59 |
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