| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| spectatordad |
Posted - 09/22/2011 : 12:56:33
There is a kid playing on our fall team who wasn't chosen to play with the spring team. No one really knows why but several parents are wondering about it as this kid is performing pretty much as good or better than those playing now, is solid defensively and plays several different positions and seems to have good parents and a good work ethic. In spite of everything uncertain about his future, he hasn't ever missed a practice or a game. A couple of us would like to voice our opinions in support of this kid because we think he'd still like to play for this team as he hasn't found another team and we think he'd help the team more than a couple of kids who are either on it now or will be on it, but don't want to rock the boat where our own kids are concerned. How would you handle this? It's really puzzling. Thanks in advance. |
| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| ramman999 |
Posted - 10/08/2011 : 21:43:45
quote:
Originally posted by ESEC2100
After doing this for a few years you gain a certain respect for coaches of youth sports. If they are parent volunteers then they should really be held on a higher level. What I do not understand above are the comments about stay out of it, dont ask etc. These youth coaches are just people and you should ask them questions if you have them. In fact I think parents should ask lot's of questions, not just pre-selection but during the season as well.
I agree - ask guestions about the team, about your son's performance, ways to improve, etc.
It's not your place to ask about other players, other families, or participate in gossip. If the parent wants to talk about it, fine. If the coach talks about it with the entire group, fine. But you are asking for trouble being "that" parent, participating in the sewing circle. My opinion only.. Take it for what it's worth. |
| BROOKSTEAM |
Posted - 10/08/2011 : 18:57:50
After doing this for a few years you gain a certain respect for coaches of youth sports. If they are parent volunteers then they should really be held on a higher level. What I do not understand above are the comments about stay out of it, dont ask etc. These youth coaches are just people and you should ask them questions if you have them. In fact I think parents should ask lot's of questions, not just pre-selection but during the season as well.
For sure you will run into some that have ego's way out of control and cannot handle being questioned, asking a question etc. But if you run into that when you ask you may gain some insight about the year you have ahead of you and take that opportunity to move on.
And also as In The Know points out some coaches who have kids on their teams are coaching because their children would not be able to play elsewhere, and if this new boy could possibly be infringing on their child's playing time that might be your answer. And again this will shed light and allow you to make the decision to stay or leave. |
| 11UFAN |
Posted - 10/06/2011 : 21:59:15
My closing advice:
Stay out of the "parking lot" talk or find yourself another team. If you don't do either, you are in for a long Spring... |
| Gwinnett |
Posted - 10/03/2011 : 23:03:44
in_the_know, you got that right!!!
quote:
Originally posted by in_the_know
So one final question. Did this kid play a primary position that one of the coach's kids play? If so, and if this kid is better than said coach's kid, there's your answer....
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| in_the_know |
Posted - 10/03/2011 : 16:43:38
So one final question. Did this kid play a primary position that one of the coach's kids play? If so, and if this kid is better than said coach's kid, there's your answer.... |
| spectatordad |
Posted - 10/03/2011 : 14:47:52
quote:
Originally posted by in_the_know
Interesting. Sounds like the Dad was more than willing to discuss with other parents, but didn't go directly to the coach and tell him that they would like to be with him for the spring and get some insight whether that could happen or why it couldn't. I still stick with my opinion that it wasn't yours or any other parents place to ask the coach about it, but the Dad sure could have. Hopefully your other concerns will be unfounded about the team and any ulterior motives behind some of the decisions. If that is the case, then you'll know to move elsewhere next season. If it is the case, then there's probably a history of this that you could have seen before joining the team? You never did mention the age group, so I assume it must be a younger age group without a lot of track record of this coach/staff to go by.
quote:
Originally posted by spectatordad
Thanks to everyone for their thoughts and ideas. None of us really ever said or did anything except watch to see what happened in the end. Some of us were told by the players dad after our tournament ended yesterday that the boy decided to join another team for the rest of this fall because they offered him a spot for spring. Said his first choice all along was our team but no one really ever told them why he wasn't picked up. The reason I said it was a sticky situation is because now we wonder (and the parking lot talk has started)what the coach is really up to if it isn't putting together his best 11-13 guys. Hopefully it's nothing, but if he's playing buddy ball or looking for ringers our experience has been he's inviting trouble and it never ends good. If you have a good team where everybody gets along there's nothing wrong with that in our opinion. The whole thing just kinda smells funny.
I replied early on that they are 13. Also, the dad did ask about spring with one coach and was told they were talking about it but didn't want to nag the subject. And he didn't come to us. We went to him as other non coach dads (obviously the rest were on the field) just to chat him up during practice one day and started talking about the spring thinking he was playing then too. That was when we found out he wasn't offered and then we all felt kinda stupid for bringing it up but then after a month went by and the kid was really good it just got weird and uncomfortable. We tend to talk about what tournaments might be good for spring and which out of town tourneys might be good but when he's around it's just awkward that he won't be there especially after his kid steps up and pounds a 3 RBI triple or something. Dad is pretty quiet and just said he'd asked and they hadn't responded yet so he wasnt' going to press things. Yesterday he just said they needed to know as a family where they'd be in the spring so they could start thinking in that direction.
I know most people don't give a flip about other people and it may seem strange to some that some of the rest of us do. Not looking to stir things up but sometimes you see something that makes no sense and it involves KIDS. It's just weird. |
| Gwinnett |
Posted - 10/03/2011 : 14:14:30
Communication would have left you with more facts about this whole "sticky situation". Now your left wondering?? If you would have got any answers, from anyone, it would be more than what you have now. Those answers would also help you make better decisions for you and your boy on this team and with this coach. Hope it all works out for the best.
quote:
Originally posted by spectatordad
Thanks to everyone for their thoughts and ideas. None of us really ever said or did anything except watch to see what happened in the end. Some of us were told by the players dad after our tournament ended yesterday that the boy decided to join another team for the rest of this fall because they offered him a spot for spring. Said his first choice all along was our team but no one really ever told them why he wasn't picked up. The reason I said it was a sticky situation is because now we wonder (and the parking lot talk has started)what the coach is really up to if it isn't putting together his best 11-13 guys. Hopefully it's nothing, but if he's playing buddy ball or looking for ringers our experience has been he's inviting trouble and it never ends good. If you have a good team where everybody gets along there's nothing wrong with that in our opinion. The whole thing just kinda smells funny.
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| in_the_know |
Posted - 10/03/2011 : 13:29:07
Interesting. Sounds like the Dad was more than willing to discuss with other parents, but didn't go directly to the coach and tell him that they would like to be with him for the spring and get some insight whether that could happen or why it couldn't. I still stick with my opinion that it wasn't yours or any other parents place to ask the coach about it, but the Dad sure could have. Hopefully your other concerns will be unfounded about the team and any ulterior motives behind some of the decisions. If that is the case, then you'll know to move elsewhere next season. If it is the case, then there's probably a history of this that you could have seen before joining the team? You never did mention the age group, so I assume it must be a younger age group without a lot of track record of this coach/staff to go by.
quote:
Originally posted by spectatordad
Thanks to everyone for their thoughts and ideas. None of us really ever said or did anything except watch to see what happened in the end. Some of us were told by the players dad after our tournament ended yesterday that the boy decided to join another team for the rest of this fall because they offered him a spot for spring. Said his first choice all along was our team but no one really ever told them why he wasn't picked up. The reason I said it was a sticky situation is because now we wonder (and the parking lot talk has started)what the coach is really up to if it isn't putting together his best 11-13 guys. Hopefully it's nothing, but if he's playing buddy ball or looking for ringers our experience has been he's inviting trouble and it never ends good. If you have a good team where everybody gets along there's nothing wrong with that in our opinion. The whole thing just kinda smells funny.
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| wareagle |
Posted - 10/03/2011 : 13:26:50
Hopefully the kid ended up with a team he will have lots of fun playing with. I can tell you from experience that the kid ( and Dad)will remember the experience and play twice as hard every time he faces your team. |
| spectatordad |
Posted - 10/03/2011 : 12:50:58
Thanks to everyone for their thoughts and ideas. None of us really ever said or did anything except watch to see what happened in the end. Some of us were told by the players dad after our tournament ended yesterday that the boy decided to join another team for the rest of this fall because they offered him a spot for spring. Said his first choice all along was our team but no one really ever told them why he wasn't picked up. The reason I said it was a sticky situation is because now we wonder (and the parking lot talk has started)what the coach is really up to if it isn't putting together his best 11-13 guys. Hopefully it's nothing, but if he's playing buddy ball or looking for ringers our experience has been he's inviting trouble and it never ends good. If you have a good team where everybody gets along there's nothing wrong with that in our opinion. The whole thing just kinda smells funny.
|
| PerfectGame |
Posted - 09/29/2011 : 11:32:13
Personally I would stay out of it. If the kid is playing and having fun and the parents seem happy it very well may be THEIR decision to not play in the spring. But if you really want to know why don't you just ask the parents? Just make a comment to the parents after the kid makes a great play. Like "Wow, what a play ... we sure are going to miss you guys in the Spring". If they want to share they will. If they just smile and walk away that would be your cue to do the same.
As another person already mentioned, the very best thing you can do for your son is to be supportive of his team and him and his coaches. If the other parents keep kibitzing about it let them. Go watch your kid play ball and have fun and avoid the drama :) |
| bbmom2 |
Posted - 09/28/2011 : 08:24:20
Been thinking about this one for a bit before answering... not sure what I felt. Then it occurred to me... have you asked the parents of the boy? There may be a compelling reason the player is not on the spring team - he's already committed to another team in the spring or he plays tiddlywinks in the spring and can't do both or -insert another compelling reason here. Maybe other parents are creating this "sticky situation" over nothing. The parents will know why- or should..
Having said that - the next thing that occurs to me is "if this 'friend' or 'other player' is the author, then perhaps we see the reason the player is not on the team. Sometimes parents can be so wrapped up in the "not me" they don't see they are the problem. I see responses on this board and many times, while they are "knowledgeable" responses, all I can think is - boy glad they are not on my team! I really don't think some parents realize how they come across. If the player is that good - I look at the parents and figure it must be the parents. Been there, done that.
Finally, the only way to know is to ask the coach, quietly and off to the side. If this were me, I would preface my question with - "Coach, I don't need details, unless it's relevant, but my two cents is that xxxx player is really contributing and have enjoyed getting to know his parents this fall. I'm sure there is something I'm not aware of but if his spring status is still in doubt, from what I see, he would be a good addition to the team." Leave it there and leave it alone and walk away. Opinion stated. No response given and non confrontational. This is how I would handle it and I'm not particularly a silent parent - however - I learned early on not to get caught in the mush that goes around. But... I give my opinion on occasion and don't press it and don't expect an answer. |
| Dr. Old School |
Posted - 09/27/2011 : 16:52:45
Unless your talking about HS Aged Travel ball, I think that a parent and a coach should be able to be comfortable enough with each other to have casual conversations. Unfortunately I believe many parents have taken those as open invitations to give coaches their update on what seems to be lacking.
Any parent should be able to casually make a statement to the coach about another player doing good. Take note, I am saying "Casually". That does not mean "Hey coach, can I talk to you a minute. So and So is really doing good. I think you should pick up this kid to play with us in the summer."
That is more like "Hey coach, you guys have been doing a great job working with the boys this fall. I noticed so and so has really been playing well this fall. He seems to have picked up on what you guys have been coaching."
Then leave it at that. If the coach wants to discuss it further, he will continue the conversation with you.
Who knows, the coach might appreciate knowing that he has parents in the stands that are actually paying attention to the other players and not just their own.
The parents that have ruined the parent/coach interaction are the ones that chase the coach down after every practice or tournament to tell them what they need to do different. Particularly with their kid. The eventually say "I don't want to talk to any of the parents."
Keep in mind, coaches are people too, and they like talking to other people. Especially about topics that they have in common. The main one is the team. However they don't want to get a lecture every time they have a conversation.
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| ramman999 |
Posted - 09/27/2011 : 15:13:05
quote:
Originally posted by Dr. Old School
There are subtle ways to do this. Especially if it is not your kid you are referring to. I would start by just making a passing statement to the coach "Hey, <XXXXX> is suring playing good ball this fall. He sure is contributing, isn't he?" See what the coach says. Don't say anymore unless he engages in the conversation. He may suprise you and say "Yea, he has been. He did not impress us during tryouts (or in previous years if he played with the coach before) but he has really stepped it up. We may need to keep him for the spring."
It probably would not be bad for the kids to mention to the coach "Boy, too bad <XXXX> is not playing with us in the spring. He looks like he could really help us."
Who knows. It is good that there are parents feeling that way about other players. We just see so many that are only looking at their own kids.
Actually, this is probably the best way to bring it up without asking directly..
But be careful what you ask, because if the answer is confidential in nature, you've just put the weight on your shoulders if he gives you that answer... Sometimes not knowing is better than knowing and not being able to say.. |
| AllStar |
Posted - 09/27/2011 : 13:15:22
quote:
Originally posted by wareagle
Good points made and well taken, but regardless of what you or I think "should" happen, the talking will most likely continue until an explanation is given.
Yup. Distracting from the team's and coaches' main goal.
It's one thing to have 10 additional coaches in the stands, having 10 additional GM's is a whole 'nother level....  |
| Newbie BB Mom |
Posted - 09/27/2011 : 12:47:47
I agree with wareagle that a discrete heads up to the coach is not out of line here if the families are already gossiping about it. A good coach would want to know if the rank and file was getting restless so he could address it and reassure everyone. That's just good leadership.
Also, its possible this coach's reasons for letting this kid go aren't so understandable. That may be a factor for spectatordad when he has to make a decision about whether to continue to let his son play for that coach in the future. I'm not sure I blame Spectatordad (and the other parents of players on this team) for wanting to find out whether this coach has good judgment or not. |
| Gwinnett |
Posted - 09/27/2011 : 12:31:45
Communication is key! The way some people act like were married to these teams with blind trust doesn't always work. We all know the back bone of a good marriage is communication and lots of it. If you want me to be married to your team I expect LOTS of communication, good or bad. Don't be afraid to step up and say something because rest assure the coach will do the same if he doesn't like something about you or your son. It works BOTH WAYS!
Granted, when they get older that won't be the case. Then, you will do what they say, when they say it--end of story. |
| wareagle |
Posted - 09/27/2011 : 11:15:46
Good points made and well taken, but regardless of what you or I think "should" happen, the talking will most likely continue until an explanation is given. |
| 11UFAN |
Posted - 09/27/2011 : 10:03:11
The time to ask questions to the coach is during the recruitment period before you sign up, not after. You have every right to question the coach if he doesn't deliver on the major issues you discussed BEFORE you signed up.
After you make your selection communication on issues that are about other kids is only a one way street (unless he doesn't deliver on his pre-signing commitments or its something really bad) until he asks you your opinion first. IMO no one should get involved in another families business. I am assuming you trust and like your sons coach or you wouldnt be on his team? If so, stay out of it unless you or asked. If you don't trust him then find another team. |
| gasbag |
Posted - 09/27/2011 : 10:01:39
I think you'll get a much more peaceful and harmonious outcome if you just sit back, show faith in your Coach and the Team and just let nature take it's course. Show nothing but support for your ball player and his Team. He'll appreciate it down theline. |
| in_the_know |
Posted - 09/27/2011 : 09:41:17
So I'll elaborate a bit more on my reply. If there is an issue pertaining to your player that causes you concern as a parent (not playing time or position, etc, but a legitimate issue), then I completely agree with eagle. This is not one of those cases. This is about another player. This is about team makeup. This is about team strategy. This may be about some reason behind the scenes (family finance, unknown issues) that doesn't affect your family or child individually. You shouldn't interject yourself. So I don't think you have the "right" that you may believe you have paid for in THIS case. Let this kid's parents ask the coach about THEIR child's status for spring. If they want to be there and feel that the question should be asked, it is THEIR place to voice their request. Not spectatordad's or any other parents. |
| momshell |
Posted - 09/27/2011 : 09:23:41
Good Answer wareagle. |
| wareagle |
Posted - 09/27/2011 : 08:01:53
Maybe so, but I ask my sons coach questions often. Sometimes he asks me questions. It has not been a problem, and it helps me to at least understand his reasoning. There are lots of teams and coach's out there with different philosophies. Even though I may disagree with him at times, I do respect his commitment to the team and his decisions. Sometimes you must ask questions to make sure everyone's goals are in line.
In this particular situation, it appears that everyone is talking about it anyway, so why not let the coach in on the conversation instead of talking about it behind his back? It is easy to say "drop it" but in reality that seldom happens without an explanation.
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| in_the_know |
Posted - 09/26/2011 : 21:50:26
You're correct, you are wrong.
quote:
Originally posted by wareagle
Maybe I am wrong, but if I am actually paying money to be part of a team, I think I at least have the right to have a question answered. It must be asked in the correct way, and in 99% of cases you simply must accept the answer. Asking the question does not always mean that you are second guessing the coach.
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| wareagle |
Posted - 09/26/2011 : 20:39:01
Maybe I am wrong, but if I am actually paying money to be part of a team, I think I at least have the right to have a question answered. It must be asked in the correct way, and in 99% of cases you simply must accept the answer. Asking the question does not always mean that you are second guessing the coach. |
