| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| coacheswife |
Posted - 04/18/2011 : 15:51:39
Being a coach's wife is hard sometimes. You have to hear all the negative comments being made in the stands. Why can't people just try to be positive!! I feel so sorry for coach's that put out a lot of time and effort to help kids learn and the parents think that their child is being picked on or NAGGED (as I have heard) when the coach's are only trying to instruct the player. Yes, there are some coach's that go a little to far but our coach's do not. My husband simply told a player to get under the ball before a game and the mother pulled my husband aside and told him to not pick on her son because others were doing it too! What the heck?? He was strictly working with her son at the time. AHHHHHH! My husband has been coaching for years and has never had one parent complain about his coaching style. This parent is extremely controlling and has been this way about others things since the beginning.
We are a brand new travel team and do not have a lot of wins under our belt yet. The parents are all getting frustrated and I believe their negative vibe spreads like the flu. It takes time for a new team to evolve and learn each other. You don't expect a new born baby to start walking the first few months of life. The same for a new travel team ...you can't expect everything and everyone to be perfect and win every game their first season together. Can someone please let me know how to sit in the stands and deal with negative comments and parents questioning the coaches decisions constantly. I would sit alone but I am a very socialable person and do not want to abandon the stands were my child likes to see me. I am a positive person and feel like some of the parents negative mojo has spread my way so I wore a BRIGHT pink shirt today with a hugh smiley face on the front and it says BE HAPPY on the back!!! I refuse to let my team down by letting people get to me anymore. We also have parents trying to dictate where their child likes to play and where they want them to play. We always say it is about the name on the front not the one on the back of the jersey.
Ok...thanks for letting me vent...lol Thanks for all the coaches out there trying to develop these kids into great ballplayers...You Rock!! |
| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| ramman999 |
Posted - 06/27/2011 : 14:50:39
quote:
Originally posted by BONECOLLECTOR
i would like to get a copy of your code of conduct. you can email it to me if you dont mind. mark.johnson@hortoncomponents.com
Just sent |
| rippit |
Posted - 06/27/2011 : 08:07:00
quote:
Originally posted by Hiredgun
If the player comes to us with a positive attitude and asks what does he need to do to get more playing time then, as a coach, we will give the kid direction and support on what he needs to do.
If the player comes to us in an arrogant manner or with a negative wattitude asking about playing time then he will be asked to leave the team. No ifs, ands or buts.
What about the parent coming to you with a negative attitude? I've seen this too much and the player ends up getting a bad rep because of his dad and sometimes his mom.
I agree that there is no room on a team for this type of behavior and have seen a coach let a player or two go because of it. Later, I found out these same players had similar issues with subsequent teams. In every situation a code of conduct was signed, but I guess some people think that it doesn't apply to them.
If you say you are only carrying 11 to keep roster numbers down and that you won't add players during the season, but then someone gets upset and leaves or the parent is causing too many problems, then you end up having to take on a player or two in season just to have enough players every weekend. Oh wait...this should be another thread! |
| AllStar |
Posted - 06/26/2011 : 20:21:54
Coach today in our 15U tournament didn't shake any of our players' or coaches' hands after we beat them. Real classy. Glad he's not coaching my son, but I'm not sure how you cover that in the preseason selection process.
Our players actually thought it was kind of funny. I'm sure at some point when things don't go their way, his players will follow
his lead. |
| Hiredgun |
Posted - 06/17/2011 : 08:52:56
If the player comes to us with a positive attitude and asks what does he need to do to get more playing time then, as a coach, we will give the kid direction and support on what he needs to do.
If the player comes to us in an arrogant manner or with a negative wattitude asking about playing time then he will be asked to leave the team. No ifs, ands or buts. |
| Gold Glove |
Posted - 06/16/2011 : 23:21:35
quote:
Originally posted by Hiredgun
Each player and parent has to be told that discussions about playing time, playing position, and where they bat in the lineup are prohibited. However; if a parent wants to have that discussion we will have it but, when we do please bring their son's uniform with them.
What if the player comes to you to discuss playing time? |
| BONECOLLECTOR |
Posted - 06/15/2011 : 09:49:27
quote:
Originally posted by ramman999
quote:
Originally posted by coacheswife
I know East Cobb Baseball doesn't put up with anything. I believe they make you sign something when your son makes the team. I know it probably seems harsh to some parents but it is worth it for the team to be successful. We did not do that but I am sure that it will happen next season. You Live and You Learn!!!
We have players AND parents sign a code of conduct each season, which spells out guidelines and ramifications. We've been doing this since 8u and trust me, it is not a cure all, but it serves it's purpose. I suggest you implement one for the fall- be more than happy to send you ours- its not harsh, just sets expectations.
i would like to get a copy of your code of conduct. you can email it to me if you dont mind. mark.johnson@hortoncomponents.com |
| kidsgame |
Posted - 06/14/2011 : 16:36:14
Love that thought Blue. There is a ideal balance when parents are supportive and positive and coaches care as much about shaping your child's character as his baseball ability. My family is blessed to have found this balance, and we have had a tremendous experience with travel baseball - not to say it hasn't been intense from time to time, which parents should understand is typically necessary when you are shaping character.
|
| coacheswife |
Posted - 04/23/2011 : 08:27:10
Hello Everyone,
Thanks for your replies! Our scrimmage went good and everyone seems to understand more of what needs to happen to make this team work. What a relief for now:)I know you can always expect conflict because there are a lot of different personalitites out there. The problem was this parent was trying to dictate how the practices neeeded to be run (parent was not even at all the practices) and how things should be done on the field. I think that we have possibly resolved the issue for now. We have advised the parents to communicate on a one on one basis instead of involving the whole team. Our boys seem to be bonding pretty good and have made a tremendous improvement in the way they play on the field.
The good thing about our coaches is they admit that they are not perfect and will probably make more mistakes during this season. They will learn from their mistakes and make changes when needed. They are all very experienced with coaching and great with the kids. |
| bmwac |
Posted - 04/22/2011 : 22:31:36
Thank you Blue, that was very well said. |
| gatraveler |
Posted - 04/22/2011 : 22:27:53
quote:
Originally posted by Blue
For teams considering issuing a mandate/handbook/code of conduct to parents and players. It would be advisable to have a similar mandate/handbook/code of conduct for coaches as well. Our team did and from there we are building upon a strong foundation of mutual trust and respect. The players are treated with respect ... even when they are being corrected. They are not coddled but they aren't belittled either. Parents inherently trust that the manager of the team has their son's best interest in mind because he truly cares about his players. He wants ALL of them to succeed and it shows. Every player is valued and each boy knows exactly how he brings value to the team and that the team cannot succeed without him. They rely on each other.
As for a baseball team (especially youth) being a dictatorship? Yikes. That's a bit strong ... even for competitive travel baseball. Perhaps if folks starting looking at a team as ... well... a team; there would be more success and less stress. There has to be chemistry in order for any kind of team to succeed. You cannot have chemistry without trust. You cannot have trust without respect. Nobody respects a dictator.
AMEN BROTHER! |
| Blue |
Posted - 04/22/2011 : 20:56:55
For teams considering issuing a mandate/handbook/code of conduct to parents and players. It would be advisable to have a similar mandate/handbook/code of conduct for coaches as well. Our team did and from there we are building upon a strong foundation of mutual trust and respect. The players are treated with respect ... even when they are being corrected. They are not coddled but they aren't belittled either. Parents inherently trust that the manager of the team has their son's best interest in mind because he truly cares about his players. He wants ALL of them to succeed and it shows. Every player is valued and each boy knows exactly how he brings value to the team and that the team cannot succeed without him. They rely on each other.
As for a baseball team (especially youth) being a dictatorship? Yikes. That's a bit strong ... even for competitive travel baseball. Perhaps if folks starting looking at a team as ... well... a team; there would be more success and less stress. There has to be chemistry in order for any kind of team to succeed. You cannot have chemistry without trust. You cannot have trust without respect. Nobody respects a dictator. |
| CoachDad |
Posted - 04/22/2011 : 13:26:21
People have to be so negative because ... human nature is what it is. There's the answer from Captain Obvious. With a new and untested team with new coaches, there is going to, undoubtedly, be some second guessing from the other side of the fence. Actually, it's not just going to be on new teams ... it's all through every level.
What we would like to see is a medium between parents who have opinions that they only want to share with the bleacher crowd and coaches who have a God complex and can't tolerate any questions about a parent's child, the team or rationale behind decisions.
The issuance of a philosophy and team rules and expectations is a good first step in opening a line of communication between coaches and parents. Another good step is to actually tell the parents that they are not going to agree with everything you do and, if you're honest with yourself, sometimes in retrospect, you might not agree with everything you did. If you're open for one on one communication with the parents, then most of them will respect that. The others who won't come to you face to face... my Mother told me many times; "consider the source."
Face it... even East Cobb isn't too many years removed from redneck Georgia no matter how many yuppie transplants there are. |
| AllStar |
Posted - 04/22/2011 : 09:04:44
quote:
Originally posted by PASSBALL
Coacheswife,
At East Cobb you don't have to sign anything. They just tell you that coming through the door. Your son makes the team and the first thing they say is that your money is only good for that roster spot!!! Not playing time or position that little johnny wants to play. I simply love the position that they take with not talking certain things with parents! I don't know how old your son is and where you guys play out of, but I strongly urge East Cobb almost anyone with a kid that has talent. like i said in the first post this is exactly why i got away from this kind of stuff that you are dealing with.
If you are with the top 2-3 teams in your age group at ECB this might be true. Anything after that is no different from any other park except that you get less field time.
Outside of the Astros and Titans, they field everything from good Major teams to average, or worse, Triple A teams and a small minority of them have paid coaches. |
| PASSBALL |
Posted - 04/22/2011 : 00:03:34
Coacheswife,
At East Cobb you don't have to sign anything. They just tell you that coming through the door. Your son makes the team and the first thing they say is that your money is only good for that roster spot!!! Not playing time or position that little johnny wants to play. I simply love the position that they take with not talking certain things with parents! I don't know how old your son is and where you guys play out of, but I strongly urge East Cobb almost anyone with a kid that has talent. like i said in the first post this is exactly why i got away from this kind of stuff that you are dealing with. |
| coacheswife |
Posted - 04/21/2011 : 11:35:44
Ramman999,
That would be wonderful if you could send me what your team uses. Most of the time we do not hear that much static at the game. But, the emails start coming within 6 to 24 hours later. All of our boys seem to click together well...if only we could get some of the parents to do the same. Most of them do get along well but you always have that one that refuses to see anything but negative. I wonder if there is a book that I can buy her that is "How to stop being controlling and start thinking positive". LOL Thanks again:) |
| ramman999 |
Posted - 04/21/2011 : 06:59:25
quote:
Originally posted by coacheswife
I know East Cobb Baseball doesn't put up with anything. I believe they make you sign something when your son makes the team. I know it probably seems harsh to some parents but it is worth it for the team to be successful. We did not do that but I am sure that it will happen next season. You Live and You Learn!!!
We have players AND parents sign a code of conduct each season, which spells out guidelines and ramifications. We've been doing this since 8u and trust me, it is not a cure all, but it serves it's purpose. I suggest you implement one for the fall- be more than happy to send you ours- its not harsh, just sets expectations. |
| coacheswife |
Posted - 04/20/2011 : 21:42:44
I hope everyone's having a good night! Well tomorrow night we are having a scrimmage so we will see how everyone gets along.
Passball,
I know East Cobb Baseball doesn't put up with anything. I believe they make you sign something when your son makes the team. I know it probably seems harsh to some parents but it is worth it for the team to be successful. We did not do that but I am sure that it will happen next season. You Live and You Learn!!! |
| rippit |
Posted - 04/20/2011 : 10:31:29
quote:
Originally posted by excoach12
Amen Coach Tony, Amen.
I wish I had this long ago.
Because of the behaviour of my sons coach this season he has decided to stop playing baseball after this season. He says the fun is gone. Darn shame that an 11 year old stops playing ball because of the coach. He has played since he was 5 years old and has natural talent that we worked so hard to develop. All the time, money, hardwork and love that went into his passion wiped out in half a season. Darn shame.......
I hate that this has happened to you and your son. Same thing happened to us and a certain football coach 2 years ago at age 11. End result? No more football and every baseball guy out there who also coaches football is trying to get my son to change his mind with no luck!
SHAME on those idiot coaches only out for themselves and their own kid with no regard for the other children they are supposed to be "helping". |
| coacheswife |
Posted - 04/20/2011 : 08:17:21
Hi excoach12,
It's sad to hear what happened to your son! But, if he truly has that much talent and you have invested a lot of money then maybe you should try to find him a good team to play on instead of quitting baseball. Yes, there are coaches out there that can make you upset and think "why are we doing this" but hang in there because there are a lot of good coaches too:) My son had a horrible coach a few seasons back in rec ball but he just smiled and said "mom I never want to be on his team again". If your son has a love for the game then he will want to return to baseball. Besides, in real life our children will have bad teachers, bad College Professors, bad Boss' and bad friends but just hang in there and maybe he will find the right fit. Good Luck:) |
| PASSBALL |
Posted - 04/20/2011 : 01:00:00
Coaches Wife, I had to learn the hard way. After years of trying this and that. I decided that i had enough. So we went to EAST COBB. A lot of people dont like it up there. But Im here to tell you that the parent would have never did that with a coach of one of the top teams up there. They would have clearly made her understand that she and her child could gladly leave! Maybe someone should tell the parent what the meaning of DEVELOPMENT? SHE needs to appreciate the fact that the coach said something her son, because where i come from if coach doesn't say anything to you that clearly tells you how he feels cause even pros get talked by the coach!! |
| excoach12 |
Posted - 04/19/2011 : 22:51:54
Amen Coach Tony, Amen.
I wish I had this long ago.
Because of the behaviour of my sons coach this season he has decided to stop playing baseball after this season. He says the fun is gone. Darn shame that an 11 year old stops playing ball because of the coach. He has played since he was 5 years old and has natural talent that we worked so hard to develop. All the time, money, hardwork and love that went into his passion wiped out in half a season. Darn shame....... |
| coacheswife |
Posted - 04/19/2011 : 22:09:01
LOL...Bandit_Hawk
You made me laugh!!! It unfortunately is true that sometimes it is easier to make someone mad than to make them happy (which is a shame). Your also right about if the good players stay and the bad one's leave then you must be doing something right.
Coach Tony,
Thank you for the good information that you shared. I have printed it and will distribute it to the coaches and parents.
Wow, what a day at the baseball field!! We have narrowed our problem parent down and have addressed the issue as of tonight. The parent was not happy but got the hint that no other parent was there to back her up. We told the parent that it ended tonight and if the conflict kept up we would have to sit her child.It is now the parents call to keep the conflict up or shut up!! I am drinking an ice cold Beer and I feel good !!! |
| TAZ980002 |
Posted - 04/19/2011 : 18:19:57
coacheswife, I have a good story to share with you. I was talking to my 12 y/o's coach one day and we were talking about trying to please everyone on the team. He said "I don't even try to please everyone on the team, I just try to frustrate them all - it's easy to frustrate all of them but impossible to please them all !!".
He was kidding of course but his point is true - your husband will never please everyone on the team. Tell him to set a course and get everyone on board with his goals. Those that want to complain can get off anytime they like. If he is losing 1-3 players every year and those players are not top tier players on the team, it's not a big deal. Their parents probably have unrealistic views of their sons' playing ability.
If he consistently loses the top players from your team every year, he may want to reconsider how he is coaching.
JMHO - best of luck ! |
| coacheswife |
Posted - 04/19/2011 : 15:54:08
Thanks Ramman999,
I have actually thought about buying that book for my husband and the other coaches. The reviews on it are really good! You are so right about how they can drag other parents and their children down with the negativity. The coaches don't get paid and should not be expected to be perfect. If they are looking for a pro to coach their kid then they can go pay for one. Although, by the time you become a travel coach you are probably pretty good at it and know your stuff. Again, you can never make everyone happy:) |
| coachtony |
Posted - 04/19/2011 : 15:33:40
I found this online several years ago and send it to my parents at the beginning of every spring.
quote:
Dear Parents,
Here are some hints on how to make this a fun season, with lots of positive memories for your kids and your family...
1. Make sure your kids know that, win or lose, you love them. Be the person in their life they can always look to for support.
2. Try to be completely honest with yourself about your kids' athletic capability, their competitive attitude, their sportsmanship, and their level of skills.
3. Be helpful, but don't coach your kids on the way to the game or at the breakfast table. Think how tough it must be on them to be continually inundated with advice, pep talks, and criticism.
4. Teach your kids to enjoy the thrill of competition, to be out there trying, to be constantly working to improve their skills, to take physical bumps and come back for more. Don't tell them that winning doesn't count because it does, and they know it. Instead, help them develop a healthy competitive attitude, a "feel" for competing, for trying hard, for having a good time.
5. Try not to live your life through your kids. You've lost as well as won, you've been frightened, and you've backed off at times. Sure they're an extension of you, but don't assume they feel the same way you did, want the same things, or have the same attitude.
6. Don't push them in the direction that gives you the most satisfaction.
7. Don't compare your kids with other players on their team - at least not within their hearing - don't lie to them about their capabilities as a player. If you are overly protective, you will perpetuate the problem.
8. Get to know your kids' coaches. Make sure you approve of each coach's attitude and ethics. Coaches can be influential, and you should know the values of each coach so that you can decide whether or not you want them passed on to your kids.
9. Remember that children tend to exaggerate. Temper your reactions to stories they bring home from practice or the game about how they were praised or criticized. Don't criticize them for exaggerating, but don't overreact to the stories they tell you.
10. Teach your kids the meaning of courage. Some of us can climb mountains, but are frightened about getting into a fight. Some of us can fight without fear, but turn to jelly at the sight of a bee. Everyone is frightened about something. Courage isn't the absence of fear. Courage is learning to perform in spite of fear. Courage isn't getting rid of fear. It's overcoming it.
11. Winning is an important goal. Winning at all costs is stupidity.
12. Remember that officials are necessary. Don't overreact to their calls. They have rules and guidelines to follow representing authority on the field. Teach your kids to respect authority and to play by the rules.
13. Finally, remember, if the kids aren't having fun, we're missing the whole point of youth sports.
Sincerely,
Dr. Darrell J. Burnett, PhD.
Clinical and Sports Psychologist
http://www.djburnett.com/
I use this along with a letter from the entire coaching staff to lay out the expectation of the coaches, the players, and the parents. Make no mistake about it, any one of those three groups can cause a team to deflate in an instant. So far, it has worked. Got a great group of kids, coaches, and parents. Either we are very lucky or there is something to this clearly laying out expectations.
--T
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