| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| goyard |
Posted - 04/27/2009 : 08:31:04
Parents - ever want to know if you are taking the game WAY too serious about the game and/or just out of control .... might be time to step back and ask your kid. I have a son playing 13U travel and trust me, they are no dummies! Your kid (and usually the entire team)have their own drawn opinions and feelings about how you act during the game. Ask your son if your comments or "Cheers" are constructive an helpful. Do they light a positive fire or do they simply Barate and beat him and possibly hs teammates down and embarras them. Are you speaking fo their benefit or yours? I have many conversations with my son about this very subject. TRUST ME ... usually these kids know when they have made an error and why. If you would like to ensure they have learned from an incident, ask them after the game on your drive home. PARENTS CAN BE THE WORST PART OF THIS GAME ...period. Part of the reason COOPERSTOWN is sooooo enjoyable - the kids are in the hands of the coaches with very little parental involvement. Ask you son (or daughter for that matter)how they interpret you as a fan??? You might just be better off for listening!! |
| 23 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| goyard |
Posted - 04/29/2009 : 16:01:35
momof2 - very good rules to live by indeed |
| Rocky |
Posted - 04/29/2009 : 14:29:46
Excellent addition to this post mofo!
Its crazy to think replaying the bad plays during the game do anything positive. As someone said earlier ask them their favorite play, I think this is the best advice I have seen in a long time.
quote:
Originally posted by momof2
Be the BEST Parent you can be this season!
Involvement or Interference, the choice is yours!
INTERFERENCE
1. Don't go into the dugout to give instructions. Your child has coaches, and they have worked hard on developing cohesion and a mental attitude toward the game.
2. Yelling out tips, advice, correction, or criticism will in no way improve your child's performance. The same principle holds true in yelling out advice from the sidelines. Keep in mind, the content and accuracy of the information is not the issue. Help not asked for is criticism. If your child has not asked for your advice, then don't give it.
3. Don't question the coach's decisions during or between games.
As a parent, you have a right to your opinion regarding playing time, attitude, criticism, etc. However, use the 24-hour rule - speak to the coach 24 hours after the game. By then, the dust has settled, tempers have cooled, and saner heads prevail. At that time, be specific as to your concerns.
4. Beginning at approximately 12 years old, it is important for you to empower your child, and teach them to take care of their own needs. Rather than speak for them, encourage them to speak up for themselves.
5. Don't make a spectacle of yourself during the game.
Loud and rude comments to umpires, opposing coaches, or even opponents may seem humorous to you, but your child is cringing in the dugout with embarrassment. Always keep in mind that you are a role model, and act on the field the way you would want your child to behave.
6. Don't tell your child everything he/she has done wrong on the ride home from the game.
7. Trust me, this is not what is considered quality time and sharing. You may think it is helpful, but he/she feels criticized. In addition, he/she already knows that the error he/she made in the seventh inning that allowed the winning run to score was not good, and does not need to be reminded of it by you.
INVOLVEMENT
1. Always be positive!
2. Learn to encourage, not criticize. If you don't have something good to say, don't say it.
3. Be a parent, not an agent.
Talk to your child regarding his/her concerns, and help your child to learn to take care of most issues independently. Rather than criticize coaches and players, and make excuses for himself/herself, take the excellent opportunity to teach him/her how to cope with adversity. Don't make lists of demands for the coaches to follow.
4. Spend time practicing at home.
In the years to come, you will both treasure the memories of tossing the ball around, much more so than of victories and losses.
5. Volunteer your time.
Ask the coach how you can help, and follow his/her direction. Your child will appreciate your positive involvement, and be proud to have you as part of the team.
6. Attend games and cheer.
7. Positive self-esteem is the primary goal of sports, not [just] winning or losing.
|
| oldmanmj |
Posted - 04/29/2009 : 13:08:38
You can't wear out positive feed back. Even Adults flourish in positive surrounds. Saw this happen in a Championship game, young boots a ball at second base, coach calls time out, from the dugout tells the kid to get off the field immediately and that he doesn't play for this team anymore, get your bag and go. Parents on the other side of a fence are sometimes hard to control, as coaches we recruit families as much as kids, but what do we do with the coaches year after year that brutalize young men that way. I think that leagues can go a long way in keeping these spirit cushers at bay. |
| momof2 |
Posted - 04/29/2009 : 11:18:38
Be the BEST Parent you can be this season!
Involvement or Interference, the choice is yours!
INTERFERENCE
1. Don't go into the dugout to give instructions. Your child has coaches, and they have worked hard on developing cohesion and a mental attitude toward the game.
2. Yelling out tips, advice, correction, or criticism will in no way improve your child's performance. The same principle holds true in yelling out advice from the sidelines. Keep in mind, the content and accuracy of the information is not the issue. Help not asked for is criticism. If your child has not asked for your advice, then don't give it.
3. Don't question the coach's decisions during or between games.
As a parent, you have a right to your opinion regarding playing time, attitude, criticism, etc. However, use the 24-hour rule - speak to the coach 24 hours after the game. By then, the dust has settled, tempers have cooled, and saner heads prevail. At that time, be specific as to your concerns.
4. Beginning at approximately 12 years old, it is important for you to empower your child, and teach them to take care of their own needs. Rather than speak for them, encourage them to speak up for themselves.
5. Don't make a spectacle of yourself during the game.
Loud and rude comments to umpires, opposing coaches, or even opponents may seem humorous to you, but your child is cringing in the dugout with embarrassment. Always keep in mind that you are a role model, and act on the field the way you would want your child to behave.
6. Don't tell your child everything he/she has done wrong on the ride home from the game.
7. Trust me, this is not what is considered quality time and sharing. You may think it is helpful, but he/she feels criticized. In addition, he/she already knows that the error he/she made in the seventh inning that allowed the winning run to score was not good, and does not need to be reminded of it by you.
INVOLVEMENT
1. Always be positive!
2. Learn to encourage, not criticize. If you don't have something good to say, don't say it.
3. Be a parent, not an agent.
Talk to your child regarding his/her concerns, and help your child to learn to take care of most issues independently. Rather than criticize coaches and players, and make excuses for himself/herself, take the excellent opportunity to teach him/her how to cope with adversity. Don't make lists of demands for the coaches to follow.
4. Spend time practicing at home.
In the years to come, you will both treasure the memories of tossing the ball around, much more so than of victories and losses.
5. Volunteer your time.
Ask the coach how you can help, and follow his/her direction. Your child will appreciate your positive involvement, and be proud to have you as part of the team.
6. Attend games and cheer.
7. Positive self-esteem is the primary goal of sports, not [just] winning or losing.
|
| rjrousseau1 |
Posted - 04/29/2009 : 08:31:02
GASBAG - great point. I have seen a few coaches try to coach every pitch of the game, point out every mistake as soon as it happens, (while rarely pointing out the good plays), yell out a "C'mon Guys!!" in a very derogatory way after a physical error... and the kids eventually tune that type of coach out. The kids want to "play" the game, not be video game players that a coach instructs for 6-7 innings. That coaches points may be 100% correct (except yelling at a kid for a physical error, since the kid already knows he made a mistake and is already dissapointed) but the time to address these points/mistakes is after the game, or better yet, at the next practice. Teams that play relaxed win close games, teams that are uptight because coaches are uptight fold in close games.
quote:
Originally posted by gasbag
Good subject that I must weigh in on...if you are outside of the dugout, you are a FAN. As a parent, if you are not in the dugout, you should CHEER, CHEER, CHEER for your kid and his team. They have coaches in the dugout to coach them up.
Now with that said, I have coached youth athletics for over 20 years. Usually ( I stress usually and not always ! ), you are better off managing the game and taking notes vs teaching during the game. The game is the time to perform what you've been taught during the many hours of practice. The athletes are usually pretty "amped" and know that they are supposed to perform and exhibit their skills and knowledge of what they've been taught. It's my experience that they learn more in a relaxed environment such as practice vs. during the game itself.
Parents, you have joined a team and by doing so, you have given the coach of your team, the full responsibilty to coach your kids during athletic events. Most parents think they are helping their child by the ancillary coaching that they do from the sideline when in actuality, it places more stress on their son / daughter by coaching over the coach in the dugout !
I have found it more productive to discuss the athletes performance after the game with the athlete. Most kids have never been asked to rate the game they played that day. Ask them what their favorite play of the game was...ask them what was their best play personally...you pick your favorite play and share it with them. Tell them what play or act they did on the field which made you beam with pride ! You will get the most amazing response and learn more about your child and their feelings than you'll imagine. If you as a parent have some deep rooted concerns of some of the coaching decisions made during the game, approach the coach afterwards and do a "lessons learned" review privately between you and the coach. Most coaches I know are very receptive to input if it's done in a respectful and productive fashion.
If you approach the game in that fashion, you as a parent have more time to cheer, enjoy the game and your childs performance and growth. I think you'll also find, your kids will have less pressure and stress and they may also enjoy the game a little more as well !
|
| ingasven |
Posted - 04/29/2009 : 08:26:06
A-E,
My point is whether it's only 1% or .0001% we'll never weed them all out(so, IMHO, that = unrealistic goal). Instead of beating a dead horse and assuming we can shelter our kids from all things in the world negative we need to teach them to cope, adapt, and perservere.
By the way, I am currently a VP of football operations and you can hear the parents quite easily on game days as most times they are on top of the sidelines at the majority of the fields we play at.
We both agree it SHOULDN'T have a place in youth sports, but it always has been and always will be here...until the kids play the game in front of ZERO spectators & coaches.
An honest question for you or anyone else... what is deemed negative? I think that is where the problem lies. Each individual's interpretation of what is perceived as negative may be where the trouble originates.
As I've said and am not afraid to put out for public consumption; if I see a kid mentally or physically putting forth 30% effort I'll give a quick "C'mon Bobby, get in the game." I don't see that as negative. I know many other people that wouldn't have a problem with that either as well as quite a few that would be offended that Bobby got called out.
Alter-Ego, thanks for taking the time to discuss this and despite the fact we may have a little different opinion on certain aspects of this topic I respect your opinion and also believe the whole youth sports world could use a tune-up. I'm just maybe a little more pessimistic about the likelihood of someone coming up with the right wrench for the job. Because of this I choose more to focus on how to help my kids overcome playing in the current system.
Once again, great topic Brian! |
| coachdan06 |
Posted - 04/29/2009 : 01:24:51
quote:
Originally posted by Alter-Ego
Inga,
Correction of the players is a coaches job, not a parent, sibling, or passer-by.
The great thing about football is with all the noise, it is easy to tune out the people in the stands. I have played football, coached football, been a VP of football operations and I will still tell you that parents don't need to be yelling negative statements at a kid that is not their own. (Not that their kid needs it either) No different than in baseball.
When they are in college or the pros, yell away because there is a revenue benefit (education via scholarship or contract in the pros) but in youth sports, I don't believe it belongs.
Also, it is not an unrealistic goal. 90%+ of the parents act like they are supposed to. It is the <10% that is being discussed here.
never ever will there be a positive result from fans yelling negatives at a kid it's especially true if its not theirs.
firstly you have the negative tone and distraction from the game , next you have the parents of that kid naturally upset plus probably everyone else that hears it  .
They with poor social skills should stay at home , can yell all you want at players on the TV  |
| Alter-Ego |
Posted - 04/28/2009 : 15:22:22
Inga,
Correction of the players is a coaches job, not a parent, sibling, or passer-by.
The great thing about football is with all the noise, it is easy to tune out the people in the stands. I have played football, coached football, been a VP of football operations and I will still tell you that parents don't need to be yelling negative statements at a kid that is not their own. (Not that their kid needs it either) No different than in baseball.
When they are in college or the pros, yell away because there is a revenue benefit (education via scholarship or contract in the pros) but in youth sports, I don't believe it belongs.
Also, it is not an unrealistic goal. 90%+ of the parents act like they are supposed to. It is the <10% that is being discussed here. |
| ingasven |
Posted - 04/28/2009 : 08:46:49
These are all wonderful thoughts and guidelines and hopefully people will read this and try harder to contain themselves better from this point on.
Unfortunately the Utopian youth baseball world we speak of will likely never occur. Teach the kids how to tune out the crud and explain there will always be people like this to deal with. I'm not condoning nor am I excusing this behavior, but honestly, do we really think it will ever disappear? It's called adversity... teach them to adapt and overcome. You're likely not going to get a parent to back off their kid until the kid wants nothing to do with that parent.
One point of contention to what Alter-Ego said....If your kid is focused and playing his butt off and mine is out there in a fog making multiple mental mistakes I would hope someone would tell him to get his head out of his rear end, whether it was a coach, parent, sibling or passer-by. Conversely, I'm probably going to reciprocate.
By the way, these things we speak of are why you'll normally see me "away from the crowd"...I can talk under my breath all I want without fear of offending anyone...
One last thing... If your kid has never played football and you're thinking of letting him play, but you truly despise the loud parent...pick a different sport. You'll think baseball parents are choir boys.
Great topic Brian! |
| goyard |
Posted - 04/28/2009 : 08:46:12
Reggie ... saw your reply to this post and it's admirable that you not only realized you may have been a tad "over the top" but put some resolve to the matter! I too get frustrated and caught up in the game and probably come within a hair of blurting something out that I wish I could have just swallowed! .... all part of getting amped up I guess. Usually though I think better of it and have a good equalizer by my side (my wife who loves the game and may be one of the biggest Braves fans ever) 
I spoke with my son player last night about parents being audible and the impact. He said they are able to tune some of it out but not all. He said that the positive audibles are music to the ears though and help to get them pumped up. Negative audibles not only impact the players but also the coaches and then the entire feel of the game is distraction.
Gasbag's quote ... "Parents, you have joined a team and by doing so, you have given the coach of your team, the full responsibilty to coach your kids during athletic events. Most parents think they are helping their child by the ancillary coaching that they do from the sideline when in actuality, it places more stress on their son / daughter by coaching over the coach in the dugout ! " .......WELL SAID SIR, WELL SAID. I will personally absorb that piece of advice! |
| buzzworthy |
Posted - 04/27/2009 : 19:03:46
The saddest thing is when the child of an "ultra outspoken" parent completely loses interest in the game by the time they reach high school, because they just can't withstand the verbal abuse any longer. It's a shame that some parents can't see the forest for the trees. Goyard, you are one of the most positive and uplifting parents I've ever been around. In fact my son says he loves how you cheer the team on. Keep it up! |
| Infinity |
Posted - 04/27/2009 : 17:22:57
quote:
Originally posted by bbfan3
Great remarks, Goyard, you are definitely a very positive fan!!! I'd suggest that if parents can't control their comments to and about players and coaches, that they should remove themselves from the stands and go to another area where they can spew all they want, but won't be heard by the players!!
or better yet, STAY AT HOME!!!!!!
For all the parents that like to complain and tend to be on the negative side, take a look at this short video and hopefully you'll have a differnt outlook next time Jr. strikes out or makes an error.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sb_tEOkcfds
|
| Columnist |
Posted - 04/27/2009 : 17:18:26
If I were a betting man, which I'm not, I will bet these parents have long term issues about past failures of their own on the ball field and are now desparate to right old failures that continue to haunt them. Either that or they are just frustrated with life in general about who they are. Why else would you yell at your own or someone elses kid for making mistakes on the field? I understand that there are a lot of hurting people in this world for a variety of reasons. Unfortunately they take their anger and frustration everywhere they go, including the ballparks.
I know it takes a lot of guts to confront parents that are doing this, and that it's a lot easier just to move away from them. But until these parents are held accountable for their actions by those other parents associated with the team, its just one more issue for the coach to take care of, which I don't think is very fair when we already expect them to do everything else that's on their plate.
|
| goyard |
Posted - 04/27/2009 : 17:06:40
Elevated outfield seating ....Hmmmm not a bad idea .... I believe ECB has it for the 9-11 group.
OR - create a TRUE "field of dreams" complex for the kids that reads - Parents drop your player off here - adults, outside of coaches and umps not allowed within complex.
I bet alot more kids would enjoy the sport |
| bbfan3 |
Posted - 04/27/2009 : 16:08:52
Great remarks, Goyard, you are definitely a very positive fan!!! I'd suggest that if parents can't control their comments to and about players and coaches, that they should remove themselves from the stands and go to another area where they can spew all they want, but won't be heard by the players!! |
| goyard |
Posted - 04/27/2009 : 14:50:40
We have all most likely been involved and around this type of environment. Some very good points LFTG, Gas, CoachDan and others. In many situations, WE, in part, build the reputation for our kid and they will either benefit or suffer due to our actions on and around the field. To me, a SNARLING parent carries similar weight of FAILING grades ... neither positions the kid in a favorable light!
In the future, parks should consider posting a "Wall of Shame" in and around the facility. If good sense alone doesn't keep parents muted, maybe this would! |
| mammabee |
Posted - 04/27/2009 : 14:27:58
Sure like those ideas becasue all of us need a reminder
Im thinking we have t keep it all in mind when there
quote:
Originally posted by loveforthegame25
I applaud you Yard. Im not one to brag but over the last two years ive realized this game is for the kids not us. And coaching this age or any age for that matter is not easy, its not rocket science but its not easy. Trying to please your players and parents while trying to win every game is not possible. The team my son is on this year has a very good perspective on what is going on on the field. I have heard nothing but positive reinforcement, a couple outbursts but nothing ongoing. Not being between the white lines you hear ALOT at the parks especially East Cobb. When the fields are right next to eachother. I heard parents talking to parents about thier coaches, kids talking about kids on the field (they learned it from adults) Season isnt over, if your guilty of this crap, yes its crap, then turn it around. Make the rest of the year positive. and remember, your son is playing a game he loves, trying to improve so he can play somewhere next year, and then maybe high school, college and the BIGS. Oh, and 1 thing Yard said is so true, they know when they made an error. No need to beat them up or someone elses kid when they boot one too. Watch TV it happens in those big stadiums that hold 40 to 50 thousand people.
|
| gasbag |
Posted - 04/27/2009 : 12:26:05
Good subject that I must weigh in on...if you are outside of the dugout, you are a FAN. As a parent, if you are not in the dugout, you should CHEER, CHEER, CHEER for your kid and his team. They have coaches in the dugout to coach them up.
Now with that said, I have coached youth athletics for over 20 years. Usually ( I stress usually and not always ! ), you are better off managing the game and taking notes vs teaching during the game. The game is the time to perform what you've been taught during the many hours of practice. The athletes are usually pretty "amped" and know that they are supposed to perform and exhibit their skills and knowledge of what they've been taught. It's my experience that they learn more in a relaxed environment such as practice vs. during the game itself.
Parents, you have joined a team and by doing so, you have given the coach of your team, the full responsibilty to coach your kids during athletic events. Most parents think they are helping their child by the ancillary coaching that they do from the sideline when in actuality, it places more stress on their son / daughter by coaching over the coach in the dugout !
I have found it more productive to discuss the athletes performance after the game with the athlete. Most kids have never been asked to rate the game they played that day. Ask them what their favorite play of the game was...ask them what was their best play personally...you pick your favorite play and share it with them. Tell them what play or act they did on the field which made you beam with pride ! You will get the most amazing response and learn more about your child and their feelings than you'll imagine. If you as a parent have some deep rooted concerns of some of the coaching decisions made during the game, approach the coach afterwards and do a "lessons learned" review privately between you and the coach. Most coaches I know are very receptive to input if it's done in a respectful and productive fashion.
If you approach the game in that fashion, you as a parent have more time to cheer, enjoy the game and your childs performance and growth. I think you'll also find, your kids will have less pressure and stress and they may also enjoy the game a little more as well ! |
| loveforthegame25 |
Posted - 04/27/2009 : 12:05:32
I applaud you Yard. Im not one to brag but over the last two years ive realized this game is for the kids not us. And coaching this age or any age for that matter is not easy, its not rocket science but its not easy. Trying to please your players and parents while trying to win every game is not possible. The team my son is on this year has a very good perspective on what is going on on the field. I have heard nothing but positive reinforcement, a couple outbursts but nothing ongoing. Not being between the white lines you hear ALOT at the parks especially East Cobb. When the fields are right next to eachother. I heard parents talking to parents about thier coaches, kids talking about kids on the field (they learned it from adults) Season isnt over, if your guilty of this crap, yes its crap, then turn it around. Make the rest of the year positive. and remember, your son is playing a game he loves, trying to improve so he can play somewhere next year, and then maybe high school, college and the BIGS. Oh, and 1 thing Yard said is so true, they know when they made an error. No need to beat them up or someone elses kid when they boot one too. Watch TV it happens in those big stadiums that hold 40 to 50 thousand people. |
| Reggie |
Posted - 04/27/2009 : 11:40:39
My son is a very good player at 11 was not asked back adn not pickup by a good team, old coach told me-i was the problem. I respect him for telling me the truth.
Last season we found a team i stayed back even missed some games on purpose My son played better and he was picked up by a good team this seaon. I learned from my mistake, also just cause you have a whistle and clipborad doesnt mean you can yell at every kid either. Being a coach doesnt mean yelling, same rules alpply to a coach. |
| Infinity |
Posted - 04/27/2009 : 11:01:53
Demeaning your kid empties his tank, hard to be successful when your tank is empty. |
| Alter-Ego |
Posted - 04/27/2009 : 09:52:44
And if you EVER think you have the right to yell negatively at someone else kid: YOU DON'T. Nothing show a bad fan like someone who yells negatively at a kid, but the worst is one that is yelling at a kid that is not their own.
Fans should be "Cheering" not "Jeering" or being critical to the kids. As goyard said above, they know if they make a mistake.
|
| coachdan06 |
Posted - 04/27/2009 : 09:51:31
quote:
Originally posted by goyard
Parents - ever want to know if you are taking the game WAY too serious about the game and/or just out of control .... might be time to step back and ask your kid. I have a son playing 13U travel and trust me, they are no dummies! Your kid (and usually the entire team)have their own drawn opinions and feelings about how you act during the game. Ask your son if your comments or "Cheers" are constructive an helpful. Do they light a positive fire or do they simply Barate and beat him and possibly hs teammates down and embarras them. Are you speaking fo their benefit or yours? I have many conversations with my son about this very subject. TRUST ME ... usually these kids know when they have made an error and why. If you would like to ensure they have learned from an incident, ask them after the game on your drive home. PARENTS CAN BE THE WORST PART OF THIS GAME ...period. Part of the reason COOPERSTOWN is sooooo enjoyable - the kids are in the hands of the coaches with very little parental involvement. Ask you son (or daughter for that matter)how they interpret you as a fan??? You might just be better off for listening!!
ill go you one more.
every season we lose good coaches over this exact problem
who wants to be around it maybe the kids have to be when adults dont know how to act at a kids sports game but the coaches have options.
support your kids there coaches or find yourself looking for new team or coach is it worth it ?
teams with supportive parents are the only way to go. Get far away from the others  |
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